Express and Shout

Thanks to my friend, for sending me an article about her experience about "LOVE".
My friend don't like to reveal her name here, so she would like to call her "Unlovable Girl".

Written by: Unlovable Girl
Happen on: September 20,2009

It's been 2 weeks since we last saw each other. I've missed him so much. It's not even like we we're oceans apart. He says he is too busy and that it's impossible for him to see me even though we live 30 minutes away from each other. I started to worry for this has never ever happened before. Not during almost 3 years of being together.

I couldn't sleep. Thoughts of him keeps me awake. I miss everything that we used to do together. I miss him so bad. I cried as I started to fear that I might be losing him. The pain that I am feeling is too much. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to talk to him but each time I try to reach him he would say "Not now please.. I'm busy..".

I couldn't stop crying when all of a sudden there was a knock on the door. As I opened I saw the person that I've been longing to hug and kiss. Without words he immediately put his arms around me as I saw tears in his eyes. I asked what's going on? But he wouldn't speak. He wouldn't even look me in the eye. For a while he was just holding me in his arms. We didn't talk. Until I couldn't take it anymore and so I faced him and made him look at me. I asked "Please tell me what it is that's making you cry? Are you breaking up with me?". He wouldn't answer. I keep repeating "please.. please.. please.. please.. say something". He finally answered "I love you. You know that. But I don't think this is working anymore.". Then he started to cry. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. He held me tightly as he cried telling me "it hurts me right now to say goodbye to the only girl I have ever loved so much". Still I didn't say anything. Tears started to fill my eyes and I started to feel weak. The last words I have spoken to him was "You broke my heart. How could you do this to me? Just like that you are giving up on me? Just like that you are throwing all these away.".

Just like that he left. Just like that he walked out of me broken and alone.

All these happened 4 months ago. I'd be a hypocrite to say that I am completely healed. Of course I still sometimes cry. There's so many questions that I wanted answers from him. Questions like why it was so easy to walk out of my life? Why does he have to hurt me like that? Why after only two weeks of breaking up he was so quick to replace me? Did he even care I felt betrayed and worthless?

I don't know how I did it but I'm finally in much better place than I was months ago. Never really thought that I'd get pass the hard part, the getting over him part. No longer am I checking him through facebook. I finally learned how to completely let go. God has been very gracious to me for sending me so many people who helped me during the healing process. Thank you Lord for my friends and family.

Although a bit traumatize and scared I am still not giving up on love. I may not be ready now but I know time will come, that this heart shall beat again. All of my faith is with God. I shall never fear. I may be alone for now but I am never lonely. I have my family and my friends to keep me going. :) I know Mr. Right is just out there somewhere looking for me. I simply cannot give up.